


How Can You Have Any Pudding if You Don

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Erotica, Explicit Sexual Content, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, The Quidditch Pitch: More Than Two, Threesome, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-26
Updated: 2006-01-26
Packaged: 2018-10-27 08:38:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10805628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Place one homo-erotic fantasy in large bowl. Add a dash of discovered secret. Toss in the UK version of Jello pudding. Mix well. Voila, instant smut. Serves three.





	How Can You Have Any Pudding if You Don

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

Harry awoke to the sound of a voice coming from the next room. He grabbed his glasses and crept quietly through the spare room of the flat, which he was not-so-temporarily sharing with Fred, George and Ron.

George and Ron, however, were currently out of town. Ron was in Bulgaria trying to recruit the Vultures’ Keeper and George was in Dublin, showing the latest WWW products to potential investors. So, Harry had been sleeping in the room which Ron usually occupied, when he wasn’t off shagging the night away at Hermione’s that is.

Harry ran his hand through his hair and slowly opened the bedroom door. He had gone to bed quite early that night while Fred was still down at the pub. Harry wondered if he had brought a girl back home. Neither of the twins had had a girl to the flat for the six months that Harry had lived there. Come to think of it, Harry couldn’t recall the last time he even heard them talk about a girl.

“Oh Merlin! Like that…just like that. You’re gorgeous when you touch yourself. I love to watch you.”

Harry froze at the sound of Fred’s (although it sounded an awful lot like George’s) voice. So Fred _had_ scored at the pub and the girl was…she was… Harry felt his cheeks flush at the thought. He tiptoed down the corridor just enough so that he could somewhat see into the sitting room, but not too much that his presence would be noted.

It wasn’t a very good view from this angle. All he could see was a fire burning and the back of Fred’s head as he sat on the floor in front of it. He couldn’t see the girl at all.

“You like that do you?” Fred’s voice was louder now and sounded more like his own. “You like when I stroke my cock like this?” Harry stood on his toes and held his breath. He still couldn’t see very much. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to see anything, actually, but yet, he tried to nonetheless.

“Just thinking about you gets me so hard. My prick is aching for you. I wish you could suck me right now. I want to come in your mouth. I want you to come in my mouth. You taste better than Angel Delight, you know.”

Harry’s own cock twitched at that line. He reached his hand down his boxers and rubbed himself a bit. His face was hot and his heart was pounding. He knew he shouldn’t be listening to Fred and his date, but he just couldn’t move. It was as though Fred’s voice was casting a spell on him…it was soothing and seductive at the same time.

“Tell me what else you want,” Fred’s voice sounded quieter and more distant again. Harry craned his neck curiously.

Fred moaned loudly. “I want to slide my cock deep inside of you and fuck you until you’re screaming my name.”

Harry bit his lip to keep from moaning himself. He was so hard at this point and wanted badly to stroke himself full on. As quietly and as quickly as he could, he hurried back to his room.

Immediately stepping out of his shorts, he wrapped his hand around his aching erection. With his free hand he pushed the laundry that was covering the armchair onto the floor. He sat down, leaned back and spread his legs wide.

His eyes slipped closed as he tried to imagine what Fred’s girl looked like. He began to stroke slowly. Was she a blonde, a brunette? All Harry could visualize was Fred’s bright orange hair, illuminated by the light of the fire.

His ran his other hand across his chest, lightly brushing over each nipple. Down his stomach and past his cock, he cupped his balls in his palm.

_Yeah, that’s it. Now stroke yourself faster._

Harry’s eyes flew open. He sighed with relief, realizing he was still alone. Fred’s voice was so clear in his mind; it was disorienting for a moment. Shrugging, he closed his eyes again. He saw a pair of perky tits before him, but suddenly, they changed. They started to flatten and morph into a man’s chest...pale skin, covered in freckles and dusted with flaming hair.

_Harry, won’t you let me watch you?_

“Go away, Fred,” Harry spoke out loud to his imaginary mate. He continued to stroke himself, however.

_Oh, you don’t really want me to go, do you?_ The imaginary Fred walked behind Harry, bent forward and rested his head on Harry’s shoulder. Harry’s breathing quickened and he tugged at his balls.

“What are you doing in here anyway?” Harry asked.

_You tell me, you’re the one who brought me here. Tell me what you want, Harry._

“What I want?” Harry thought for a minute. What did he want? Why was he fantasizing about Fred for Lord’s sake? He had never thought of another guy in this way before. Well, there was that one time when he accidentally walked in on Ron and Hermione. Ron’s bare arse sticking up in the air definitely did _something_ to Harry.

_Would you prefer if Ron were here?_ Imaginary Fred asked Harry.

“NO!” Harry answered more loudly than he meant to. “He’s my best mate.”

Fred chuckled. Best mates make the best lovers, you know. He ran his finger down Harry’s jaw. _You’ve got an amazing body,_ he whispered into Harry’s ear, causing chills to run down his spine. _Tell me what you want, Harry,_ Fred said once more.

“I—I’m not sure,” Harry stuttered nervously. “Why don’t you tell me what you’d like to do to me,” he suggested, blushing at his own thoughts.

_Mmmm…well, for starters, I’d like to watch you wank._

Harry groaned as he imagined Fred getting on his knees between his legs.

_I’d like to watch from down here. That ok?_

“Mmmhmm.”

_Oh, that’s quite nice._

“Lick it,” Harry exhaled, holding his cock out to the vision in his mind. He tossed his head back and let out a loud moan, imagining Fred’s tongue grazing his cock. “Suck me, Fred,” Harry whispered quietly, almost embarrassed to say it, even to a fantasy lover.

_What’s that, Harry? Couldn’t quite hear you?”_

“I said, suck my cock, Fred,” Harry groaned, teeth grinding as he fisted his prick, stroking very rapidly now.

His imagination was so vivid. He clearly saw Fred’s bright orange head between his legs, visualized his gorgeous lips sliding around his cock, felt his hot, wet mouth devouring him.

“Oh, oh, oh…YES!” Harry came hard, spurting over his hand and onto the carpet. His thoughts swirled and Fred vanished.

“Oh fuck!” He jumped to his feet, shocked and embarrassed by what had just happened. He raced out of the room and across the hall into the toilet. Perhaps a good long, cold shower would wash the strangeness away.

~~~~~~~~~

Harry had dressed quickly and apparated straight to his office without going into the kitchen for breakfast or even tea. The shower did help to clear his mind, but only temporarily. As he went through the case files, piled up high in his in-box, his mind started to drift.

The fact that he hadn’t heard the girl’s voice that morning was puzzling him. He started to think about the things Fred had been saying, but that only made his trousers feel tight. He came to the conclusion that Fred must have been alone and talking out loud as he wanked. This thought wasn’t helping much either.

He was quite grateful when Hermione stopped by his office and invited him out to lunch. She spent the entire time chattering away about Ron and telling Harry every single detail of their wedding plans that he didn’t have a second to allow his mind to wander.

When he arrived home, the flat was empty. Just a few minutes later, he received an owl from Fred saying that he was working late to do inventory and that he wouldn’t be home for dinner. All three of the Weasleys tended to do this. It was a habit from growing up in a close family, they explained to Harry. You always had to let people know where you were. Harry’s life was, of course, the opposite. The Dursleys couldn’t have cared less if Harry missed a meal.

He read the owl again and sighed. He was both relieved that Fred wouldn’t be home and a bit disappointed, he had to admit.

After dinner, a few bottles of butterbeer and far too many times of reviewing his notes for the meeting he was heading for the new Auror trainees the next morning, Harry decided to take a sleeping draught. He didn’t need distracting thoughts keeping him up all the night.

~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, he woke, showered, dressed and headed to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat and a cuppa before leaving for his meeting.

As he was heading out of the kitchen, tea cup in hand, to gather his notes from his bedroom, he noticed that Fred was in front of the fireplace again. He ducked back into the kitchen and peeked through the crack where the door met the frame. This time, he had a view of Fred’s face. He couldn’t see anything below his chest, but its bareness was enough to perk Harry up far more than his morning tea.

“I can’t wait to see you tonight,” Fred said to someone Harry couldn’t see. He assumed Fred was talking to someone through the floo network. “I’ve wanked so much in the past three days, I feel like a teenager again.” He laughed and so did he person he was talking to…a male person. Harry gasped, then clapped his hand over his mouth.

“Well, when I get home, I’ll make it up to you, love,” came what was undoubtedly George’s voice from out of the fire. “You name it and I’ll do it.”

Harry could not believe his ears. He held his breath so the sound of his heavy breathing would not keep him from hearing Fred’s response.

“I want to cover you in something sweet and lick you clean,” Fred replied in the same seductive voice Harry had heard in his mind the other night.

“Mmm, I love when you get kinky. I miss you more than I thought I would. I plan on shagging you until the sun comes up,” George promised his brother.

Harry was fully erect and his heart was threatening to jump out of his chest.

“Just don’t forget the silencing charm. I wouldn’t want Harry to hear me scream your name over and over and…”

“Or,” Fred interrupted George, “maybe we could entice him into _joining_ us. I had a dream that while you fucked me into the next day, the _Chosen One_ was ramming into that gorgeous arse of yours. It was bloody brilliant.”

Harry’s tea cup shattered on the floor just before he disapparated from the flat.

~~~~~~~~~

It was sheer luck that Harry got through the meeting without losing it. His mind was stuck on what Fred had said; he couldn’t get the image out of his mind. At one point, he even called one of the junior Aurors Fred.

“That’s Ted, Mr. Potter,” his assistant corrected him.

For more than the obvious reasons, Harry was glad that there was no serious field work for him to attend to that day. Most of the currently active cases were misdemeanors, a benefit of peace time. He delegated the assignments out to his subordinates. Harry needed to pull himself together before going after any perpetrators, even the ones of lighter offense. He shuddered at the thought of having his head stuck in this fantasy three years ago, during his days of active combat.

So, he shut himself in his office and buried himself in paperwork until way past his normal time of departure.

Finally, around half eight, he decided he couldn’t avoid going home any longer. He was hungry and anxious to slip into more causal clothes. He wasn’t sure why he was so hesitant to go home. The twins had never made a spectacle of their _relationship_ before, yet Harry imagined walking in to find them shagging on the couch. Hell, he hadn’t even known they were together until that morning. He was sure that Fred’s comment about him joining them was in jest. Surely, they wouldn’t _really_ want him to…he couldn’t do _that_ anyway. He didn’t know how…although, it was probably the same as buggering a girl…except from a different angle and, well, _tighter._

“Oh fuck, pull yourself together, Potter,” he chided himself. His mind was drifting and his body was reacting to the visions again.

He took a deep breath, put on his cloak and apparated back to the flat.

~~~~~~~~~

“Harry!” Fred and George greeted him loudly. Harry was relieved to see they were both fully clothed. George was seated at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea and Fred was whisking something in a bowl at the counter.

“Welcome home, George.” Harry hated the shaky tone of his voice.

“Busy day at the office?” George asked, nodding toward the briefcase in Harry’s hand.

“Er…yeah, loads of paper work. I should learn not to put things off.”

“You could have owled, you know. I made dinner for you,” Fred scolded Harry.

“Oh, sorry, mate.”

“Leave the man be, Fred.”

“I’m just saying, it’s only common courtesy to let people know if you’re not going to make dinner.”

“Shit, you sound like Mum,” George teased.

Fred gasped and walked over to his brother with the whisk held threateningly. Something thick and yellow was ready to drip onto the floor. “You take that back, George.”

“Nope.”

With that, Fred flicked the whisk at George’s face, covering him with the creamy substance.

George gaped and Fred guffawed. Harry simply stood there, wondering if he had dreamed the entire incident that morning. Clearly, these two were nothing more than siblings.

“You clean this off right now, or I’m going to kick your arse,” George warned.

“Clean it off?” Fred smirked. “Sure thing.” Harry’s last thought was blown out of his mind as Fred took George’s face in his hands and ran his tongue all over it, licking up ever last drop.

Harry stood there, briefcase still in hand, staring at this sight. He figured he should leave the room, but he couldn’t…or more like didn’t want to move.

“Mmm, Angel Delight, just like Great Aunt Hanna used to make when we were kids.” Fred licked his lips and grinned at Harry. “Although, she tended to serve it in a bowl.”

“Well, where’s the fun in that?” The words came out before Harry could stop them.

Fred and George smiled at each other, then both turned to Harry with twin expressions of desire.

“You sure left in a hurry this morning, Harry,” Fred said, taking Harry’s briefcase from him.

“I don’t suppose it had anything to do with the conversation Fred and I were having?” George asked, slipping Harry’s cloak off his shoulders.

“Well, actually…” Harry swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. “I did overhear a bit of that conversation. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Fred loosened Harry’s tie and began to unbutton his collar. “And we didn’t mean to freak you out, mate.”

“I’mnotfreakedout,” Harry answered so quickly that the twins both laughed. “All right, I’m a little freaked out, but I’m not _too_ freaked out.”

George raised his eyebrow. “Have you ever been with a guy before, Harry?”

“NO, never!”

Again, the twins chuckled.

“We wouldn’t want you to do something you didn’t want to,” Fred offered, although he had Harry’s shirt completely unbuttoned at this point.

George nodded toward the bulge in Harry’s crotch, “However, it seems that at least part of you is interested, yes?”

“Yes…that is…I am interested…only, I’m not sure what to—“

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about a thing, Harry. Fred and I will take good care of you, won’t we Fred?”

“We’ll be gentle as lambs.”

“Come with me, Harry.” George took hold of Harry’s hand and started to lead him out of the room. “Fred, grab that bowl, why don’t you. We haven’t had our pudding, after all.”

Fred moaned. Harry sucked in his breath and George tossed his head back, laughing.

Once inside George’s bedroom, Fred sat the bowl of whipped dessert on the bed side table and began to undress himself. George started to unfasten Harry’s trousers. “This ok, mate?”

Harry nodded.

“Alright if I kiss you?” George asked.

Harry nodded again.

George leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Harry’s lips. Harry immediately parted his lips. It had been far too long since he had kissed someone and he welcomed the delight of another person’s touch.

George pulled back and smiled. “An eager lad, aren’t you?”

“Don’t stop George,” Fred urged his brother on as he reached around Harry’s body from behind to lower his zip.

George kissed Harry again, letting his tongue slip inside this time. All three men moaned simultaneously. Kissing George felt so good that Harry hadn’t even realized that Fred had removed his trousers and shorts until he felt something hard pressing against the cleft of his arse.

He turned his head to look over his shoulder and gasped.

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” George whispered into Harry’s ear, then kissed his way down his neck.

Fred squeezed his hand between Harry’s and George’s bodies and grabbed hold of Harry’s cock. “George, you have far too many clothes on,” he said, staring into Harry’s eyes.

George backed away to get undressed and Fred tightened his grip on Harry. At the same time, he pressed harder against his arse.

“I heard you the other night, Fred,” Harry admitted. “You must have been talking to George.”

“Is that so?”

“I went to my room and wanked.”

“Did you?” Fred kissed Harry’s shoulder and stroked him slowly.

“I imagined you there,” Harry said in a soft whisper.

“You don’t have to imagine anymore, Harry,” George cooed. “Turn around and look at him. He’s really here now.”

Fred turned Harry around. Both eyed each other’s bodies and smiled, pleased with what they saw. Fred stepped closer and rubbed his hard cock against Harry’s. Harry grabbed the back of Fred’s head and crashed their mouths together. They kissed fiercely, full of tongue and teeth and burning passion.

George pressed up against Harry from the back and grabbed hold of Fred’s arse, pulling their bodies together tightly. Harry felt so good. He realized now why he never was able to hit it off with any of the girls he dated…none of them had a cock.

He laughed at the thought.

“What’s so funny?” Fred asked.

“This…it’s funny…it’s brilliant and odd.”

“People describe us that way all the time,” George said semi-jokingly.

“Harry, lie down on the bed,” Fred suggested, pulling Harry by the hand.

Harry complied, propping some pillows behind his back.

Fred picked up the bowl of Angel Delight, grinned at George and then turned to Harry. “You’ve got some delicious looking cock there. I bet it’d be even better with some of this on it.” Fred held up the spoon, thick with the dessert.

Harry bit his lip to hold back the enormous smile that was fighting to burst out. He nodded for Fred to continue.

George sat on the side of the bed opposite Fred. He leaned down and kissed Harry quickly, than turned to watch his brother.

Fred let the Angel Delight ooze off the spoon onto Harry’s shaft. Harry flinched, both from the coldness and the texture. Fred ran his tongue from base to tip, licking Harry clean.

“Oh. God.”

“Mmmhmmm,” Fred agreed with Harry. He wrapped his hand around Harry’s cock, pulling back the foreskin to reveal the head.

“Lick it,” Harry begged.

Fred swirled his tongue around Harry’s head and then began to suck while he slid his mouth lower and lower.

“Bloody hell!” Harry exclaimed.

George ran his hand into Fred’s hair, pushing his head even lower. Harry grabbed onto the duvet and fought the desire to thrust upward into Fred’s mouth.

Fred sucked and licked his way back up and then leaned over Harry toward George. Their tongues met before their lips. Harry moaned loudly. The sight of the twins snogging was intensely erotic.

“Give me some of that.” George nodded toward the bowl of Angel Delight.

Fred grinned and shook his head. “No, you know what Mum always said…if you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding.”

George laughed. “Yes, how can I have any pudding if I don’t eat my meat?” The twins laughed. Had Harry’s balls not been almost ready to burst, he might have laughed as well.

“Good God, **somebody** eat the meat!” he demanded seriously.

George and Fred both lowered their heads and hungrily lapped at Harry’s cock.

“That’s better…here…you’ve earned your pudding.” Harry smiled, reaching for the spoon. He poured a generous amount of the sweet dessert onto himself, then added a second spoonful right away. “A spoon for each of you,” he joked.

George licked what had pooled in Harry’s hip bone and then licked long strokes up and down his length. “Mmm, banana, how appropriate.” He winked at Harry, then reached over to pour more on him.

Fred moved in between Harry’s legs and pushed his knees back so they were practically touching his chest. “Hmm, it seems to have dripped back here,” he said before diving down and flicking his tongue against Harry’s hole.

“Oh fuck!”

“Never been rimmed, I suppose?” George hummed in Harry’s ear.

Harry would have responded if he remembered how to speak. Fred was now dipping his tongue _inside_ of Harry’s arse. He could not believe how good that felt.

George spooned more pudding over Harry’s balls. He licked, then sucked them each into his mouth. Then he moved up, taking Harry’s entire cock into his mouth, all the way to the base.

Fred’s tongue was joined by first one finger and then another. Harry screamed out. The sensation was like nothing he had ever felt before. Fred hooked his fingers deep inside as George sucked and pressed his tongue against Harry…

“Oh fuck, oh fuck…yes! Oh God!” Harry shouted, coming harder and more intensely than he had ever imagined possible. George swallowed every bit of him, slowly sliding his mouth off when he knew Harry was spent. Fred slipped his fingers out, causing Harry’s body to twitch from the sensitivity.

The twins smiled down on their very satisfied new lover.

After Harry had a minute to catch his breath, he sat up and turned to Fred. “So, about that dream you had…”

 

~~~~The End~~~~~


End file.
